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Thursday, Aug 21, 2014
Cara Delevinge is not a hamburger robot.
Cara Delevinge is not a hamburger robot.

By Whit Honea, Honea Express

The trouble with technology is that it is all about the progress and the ease and the efficiency, which is nice, but often at the expense of the very humans it professes to serve. It’s like a riddle, but with buttons and, hopefully, something that makes really cool beeping noises.

The latest job-killing wonder to make life easier for the rest of us is a robot from Momentum Machines that prepares up to 360 edible hamburgers per hour, which is just right if you’re running the Simpsons marathon. Math and a meal. You’re welcome.

Perhaps you already thought this was a thing, what with smartphones, microwaves, and the SpongeBob, but no, it is not. Apparently. However, Nicki Minaj doing drunk lap dances on Drake? That is a thing. Don’t confuse the two.

Drake just can’t stop thinking about all the hamburger possibilities.

Recent studies that we just made up have shown that hamburgers are not usually made by robots, but rather by greasy-faced teenagers and those that used to be—every single one of whom, presumably, does so because they need the money and not to meet some deep, spiritual need for flipping pucks of meat on a really hot surface while some clown gets all the credit. Although we’ve heard it both ways.

In an interview with Xconomy, the co-founder of Momentum Machines, Alexandros Vardakostas, stated that the machine “isn’t meant to make employees more efficient. It’s meant to completely obviate them.”

That sounds fairly ominous. Also, no dental. Take that, Obama.

While the company line sounds more like an ad for Soylent Green than a (possibly) useful addition to our so-called fast food life, it is still intriguing in a will 50 Cent really get Floyd Mayweather to read Harry Potter sort of way.

The Burger 3000 (not the name) would grind meat and cut vegetables to order, which means that it is super fast, adapts to change, has sharp blades, a stamper, a grinder, a source of heat, and everything else that sounds like the plot for something that scares the hell out of us.

Doesn’t fast food already do that?

No word on whether or not Burgertron (still not the name) will offer vegetarian or gluten-free options, but if it also makes ice then we’ll take two (we can’t keep up with all of the ice bucket challenges that we’re doing).

Skynet is on the kitchen line. Do you want fries with that?

(via Business Insider Australia)

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